A Mass Delusion of Mayhem
by Laili the Turk
Summary: Its the annual Turk Dinner and Tseng makes the orders of what everyone makes. Reno makes Mac' and cheese and Elena uses a barbeque? What about Rude's story? Whats he making? Oneshot, go easy on me...
1. Operation Dinner

A Mass Delusion of Mayhem

Reno is making Mac and Cheese and Elena fires up the barbeque. Hear the horror stories of making these all time favorite goods. But wait! What about Rude and his story?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the related thingies in this fic (Turks, people, etc.) but elena's pet and Reno's monster I do own.

Chapter One: Operation – Dinner

Elena strolled down the hallway with a smile on her face, carrying a load of files under her arm. She was having a good day, a very good day. Don't know why… she's just having a good day. Anyways…

She took a right in the hall, taking a turn into a small, banged up office where a very bored redhead throwing is electro-meg rod like a baton and a very, very bald man with sunglasses was doing his work.

"Morning Reno… morning Rude!" Elena smiled. She jumped for joy and twirled around the room as she put files on Reno and Rude's desks. She looked to see that both men were staring at her like an idiot. Her face went straight. "What?"

"What the hell was in your coffee 'Lena?" Rude looked through his sunglasses as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, who peed in your Cheerios this morning?" Reno replied, taking his feet off the desk. "You usually yell at me and ignore Rude, did you by any chance 'do it' with Tseng last night?" Reno grinned as he made the hand motion like bunny ears when he said 'do it'.

Elena gave Reno a death glare. "First off… No Rude. Second… I did not have Cheerios this morning…I had Apple Jacks. Third… RENO YOU PERV!" She jumped over Reno's desk and pounded him to the floor… punching him constantly has he yelped in pain.

"Ow! Ow! Pain! Too Much! MOOD SWING! PMS! RUDE!" Reno yelled in pain as Elena punched even harder. "RAVAGE WOMAN IS INFLICTIN PAIN ON AN UNARMED MAN! CO-WORKER ABUSE!"

"Children… play nice." Rude was still doing paperwork as the redhead was beaten up. Rude shook his head as he was ignored. "Women…"

Then Tseng walked in… noticing the blonde beating up the redhead.

Elena heard the door and jumped up, hopped over Reno's desk, straighten up, and stood in position, ready for orders. Reno was left on the floor all banged up.

"Ok, new mission from –" Tseng was interrupted as Reno shot up from the floor, unharmed, shirt was torn up, his hair a mess, and acted like nothing as wrong and yelled. "YES! NO MORE PAPERWORK! TELL ME MORE ALMIGHTY SAVIOR! FOR THIS PMSING BLONDE NEARLY KILLED ME!"

Tseng lifted an eyebrow, "Ok then. We are all needed to make dinner for the annual Turk dinner… just the four of us and I'll mention who the special guests are in a minute."

Elena smiled. "Great! I can make my brownies again!"

Reno looked at Elena. "Great! I'll bring—"

"Reno, no takeout! Second… I make the orders of what everyone makes… I don't need the scenario of what happened to Elena last year with Rude's chili!" Tseng shouted out.

"Oh… Rude's 'Chili of DOOM!'" Reno has his arms in the arm, swooping over Elena and making 'wooooo' noises like a ghost. Elena smacked him across the face. Rude smiled. He was proud to hear that Reno loved his chili and that Elena smacked him for last year's incident.

"You added extra hot sauce to it you jerk!" Elena yelled and kicked Reno.

"Reno, you are making macaroni and cheese." Tseng pointed to Reno. "And I'll be nice to say that you can make it out of the box."

Reno whimpered as her rubbed his face from Elena's smack. "Crap…"

"Elena, you are making the meat, pork chops, use a barbeque, it makes it better." Tseng looked at Elena.

Elena gulped in fear… she has never used a barbeque. This was more for Rude to do since he was the barbeque master.

"Rude… lucky you… yours is special, see me after we get done work to hear what you have to make." Tseng smiled.

Rude, still doing paperwork, gave a one thumbs up. "Sure…"

"See you all tonight at my house." Tseng smiled as he backed out of the door. "Good luck... oh and Rufus and the President will be our guests… ta ta!" Tseng left the room feeling happy… a little too happy… anyways…

Reno stood there in shock. "We're screwed… big time!"

Elena leaned over. "At least it ain't Scarlet and Heig' coming. Remember?"

"Oh god, the pain of pleasing a bitchy woman and a crabby boss." Rude said, finishing the paperwork.

Reno and Elena glared at him. This was the first time they had heard him complain about work or employees... ever.

Yay! Oneshot Chapter 1 of my fic is up! I'll have Ch. 2 and 3 up soon. Next!

The Trip to the Grocery Store... MWAHAHAHAHA


	2. The Grocery Store of Horrors

Hello again. I got my first Review on my first day putting this up. Thanks Cheese! I thiught that i'd be nice that you can enjoys ch. 2. So... happy earlyhalloween!

P.s. I'm going to be a turk for halloween. Its hilarious.

Chapter 2: The Grocery Store of Horror

Reno and Elena walked into Rex's Foods R' Us store. Rude had to go early without needing to come nor tell Reno and Elena what he has to make. Reno looked around.

"So, where do we start?" Reno looked left and right, seeing all the busy people take what was needed.

"Well, you go to the pasta isle and I got to… the freezer section." Elena gulped. "If I don't come out in fifteen minutes… come find me." Elena walked off to the freezer section to get the pork chops, leaving Reno to fend for himself.

Reno walked down the store, looking at the isle signs. "Dairy, snack, wouldn't mind one, pet food, could've used that on Palmer the year before, ah ha!" Reno walked into isle 5 into the pasta, he looked around the shelves for the Mac' and cheese.

He looked down the isle and the isle got longer… and longer… and more longer… to where the eyes can't see. Reno shook his head and continued the journey for the Mac' and cheese, with only a hundred gil, his phone, and a gun under his jacket, his electro-mag rod couldn't come in. Damn security.

He walked down the isle, seeing the passer-bys and more pasta and even more pasta he had never heard of, then while checking out a brunette in a short red skirt, our wonderful redhead bumped into someone, knocking him to the floor. He looked up and smiled.

It was Rude.

"Rude my man! Can you—" Reno was smacked as Rude threw a box at Reno's head. "Ow! What the hell dude!" Reno picked up the box, it was what he was looking for.

"They were at the end of the isle, just before you turn." Rude shook his head.

"So, what are you making?" Reno smiled. The smile was like a little kid on Christmas. "Please… tell me."

"Can't tell." Rude smiled, turned around to a cart, covering his evidence, and walked away, leaving the red head with his jaw on the floor.

"Reno I found the meat and this really c—" Elena walked in and noticed Reno. "Reno what is wrong with you?"

"Rude wouldn't tell me!" Reno yelled, almost ripping his hair out. "He was my best pal!" He was about to cry.

Elena glared at him. "Well, I need sugar for this really cool barbeque mix here to work and you need milk and butter since I can see you found what you needed."

"Yeah yeah yeah," Reno walked down the isle and grabbed another box. This was enough to feed everyone at the dinner, knowing the size of the president's waist... he might need another box but... I think he can slim down a bit.

"Ok then, I'm off to go buy this so I'll see you tonight." Elena turned on her heel with her items and went to the checkout.

Reno, holding two boxes of Mac' and cheese, went of to the dairy isle where thankfully, he remembered where it was. Reno grabbed a jug of milk and a box of butter. Reno looked at the stuff he was carrying. "Why I am doing this? I have no fucking clue."

Five minutes later Reno was in a long line to purchase the food. Ahead was a mother, taking care of her crying baby, a macho man who didn't look like Rude with a cart with practically a whole chopped up cow in it, and a very old lady who was painfully slowly finding some gil in her purse.

Reno looked around to see that this was the best line and where he was, if he moved, he'd have to wait an hour 'til but the things needed for tonight. Reno peeked his head out and sighed, the crying baby was giving him a headache, the man was making him puke when he scratch his dirty self, and the old lady was still… looking for more gil in her purse… he just wished he had his electro-mag rod with him but the man out front said it had to stay in the car… and Elena agreed too. Damn them both…

Which reminds Reno and us… how did Elena get out without her waiting in a long line? Well… anyways… back to the story…

The baby's cry was getting worse for his upcoming headache… he just about wanted to yell.

Finally, the line moved... after ten minutes! Reno smiled as he was about to step up behind the mother, a kid with a lollipop cut him in line.

Reno wanted his electro-meg rod… now!

The kid turned around and noticed the Turk and smiled. Reno smiled back like nothing was wrong. The kid spoke. "Are you with the Shin-Ra?"

Reno was speechless, he looked down at his uniform and noticed that… well… he was wearing the Shin-Ra Turk uniform. He had to reply. "Yeah, so?"

"Cool!" The kid smiled. "I've always wanted to meet one of the –uh—what were those people called who kicks butt?"

"Turks?" Reno lifted an eyebrow; this was going to take forever.

"Yeah! Them! I wanna join the Turks and—" The kid was interrupted when a woman came up and took him away… he wasn't allowed to buy candy… and eat it too unpaid.

Reno got his spot back; and the baby wasn't crying anymore… and the line moved again… Reno ran up in line with the biggest grin on his smug face.

This was going to be over… very, very soon.

Ok. Here's Chapter 2. I'll put up Chapter 3 tomorrow... promise! Next Chapter... 'A blonde, a barbeque, and something that made fire.'

Byes


	3. A Blonde, a barbeque, and what made fire

I must apologize for not updating like i promise. Forgive me! If you want to hurt me RPG style, the way i wantto die is at the end of the chapter. To make up for it, I posted up 3 NEW CHAPTERS!

Enjoy!

Chapter 3: A barbeque, a blonde, and something that made fire

Elena walked in the door, jingling the keys and closing her door to her house. She threw the keys on the kitchen counter and but her bag of food on the counter and took her jacket and tie off and threw them in a chair.

"Huh? Weird, where's—" Elena was interrupted as a black and white cat was purring and rubbing himself against her legs. "There you are Squeaker."

Squeaker meowed. Elena found the cat in an alley when it was a kitten. She gave it a home and named it Squeaker for no good reason whatsoever.

Elena walked over to the counter and took out the pork chops and the 'magical' barbeque sauce. She picked up the barbeque sauce tub and read the label.

"Add half of this tub with sugar, shake til blended, wet the chops, put it on and cook." Elena read out loud. "Hey! This is simple."

Elena went into her cupboard and grabbed the sugar container and poured it into the tub, closed the lid and shook, easy right?

Squeaker meowed, he was hungry. Elena looked down and noticed her cat was hungry. "Oh ok, I'll feed you so that I won't forget when I leave."

She went into the fridge with the pork chops and put them in the top self. She looked at the bottom self and grabbed a can of cat food.

To Reno, it looked like crap, but to Squeaker, it was heaven for some oddball reason. Elena put some contents of the can into a cute pink dish with a chibi kitty face on it. Then she put the can back in the fridge and continued to shake the contents of the mix. Singing… "Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow."

Elena finished and put the container down. "Now, for the chops." Elena went into the fridge and pulled them out. She peeled the plastic off and put it on the counter, filled a bowl with water and did what the instructions say.

Now for the hard part that Rude should be doing. The barbeque.

Elena walked out onto her balcony where her unused barbeque was. She looked at the directions on the barbeque and something clicked in her mind.

"Matches!" Elena said, she put the chops down and went inside and checked… everywhere.

She had no matches… or lighters to make fire… this was a problem.

Elena sat there. She looked at her watch as it read five p.m. She had to be there in an hour.

Then it clicked.

"Where's my fire materia!" Elena ran into the house and dug in her room. She found the orb and attached it onto an armlet she had found with it.

Elena let out a devilish laugh… this was worse than Cruella De Vil.

She ran outside and opened the barbeque. Then got herself ready as she turned on the gas.

_Ok, use just Fire, not Fire2 or Fire3, just Fire._ She thought and released.

It was a Fire3.

"DAMN!" Elena almost shot her barbeque off as it had Reflect and shot the Fire3 back at Elena. She screamed as parts of her uniform and hair was cinged.

Elena stomped inside, followed by a trail of smoke in her hair, and grabbed the phone and dialed a number.

After three rings, a dark voice was on the phone. "Hello?"

"Rude? Hi its Elena." Elena was swatted the smoke away. "I have a question." She started to cough.

"Lemme guess… you had no matches or a lighter and you used your fire materia didn't you?" Rude mentioned as a whirling noise was made in the background.

"Yes…" Elena wiped some black stuff off her face. "What are you—"

"All barbeques are equipped with a tiny chunk of counter materia made in it… so if you use any materia… it counters it and sends it back at you." Rude said on the phone as a sound of _ding!;_ occurred. "This is how the Shin-Ra makes money…"

"What the hell!" Elena shouted then coughed. "Rude.. what are you making?"

Rude, for the first time, shuddered. "Uh… bad reception… phone's gonna die! Secret surprise! Bye!" He hung up.

Elena sat there in surprise… "hmm.." she shrugged and hung up the phone.. as she walked away… the phone rang.

"Elena!" Reno yelled in terror on the other end.

"What?" Elena said calmly on her end of the phone…

"It's coming to—AHHH!" static went over the phone. Elena just shrugged and hung up. "Reno, you're an idiot."

"Men." Elena huffed as she walked away, turned around and looked on what was next to her television.

The matches…

Elena smiled in glee and grabbed the matches. She then remembered that Reno was over and smoked… he forgot his lighter and ask Elena for the matches… the 'idiot' never put them back.

She walked out… still burned and fired up the grill. She put the chops on and poked them with the tongs and cooked them.

_20 minutes later…_

Elena walked in with the finally cooked pork chops. She put the plate on the table and put them in an already prepared dish with a lid. She put them in and closed the lid. She looked around, walked to the bathroom and grabbed a towel… and shut the door.

Finally… it was over.

Ok, to kill me, i want it just like Cloud vs Sephiroth. Get it? Got it? Great!

Here is the next chapter. and its a teaserso think."Whats blue and red and has a static cling to it?"


	4. Whats blue and red and has static cling

This chapter didn't get teh full name on the chapter thingy up there. Damn it. anyways. This chapter has a tidbit if Reno bashing and something for the fangirls. There will be a note when you read it fangirls.

I dedicated the new little fuzzy character to Lalelilolu, my best pal who acts like our little friend in this fic. He does all these things when we play Halo.

Chapter 4: What blue and red and has a static cling to it?

Another disclaimer: I do not own the song mentioned later in this fic. I will mention the song title when the chapter is done… so that I don't spoil the fun of reading it.

Reno walked into his messy apartment, kicked hit door a few times to shut because the door was broken, and trampled through his messy apartment into the unused kitchen.

Last time used… unknown.

Reno but his bag down in a chair and looked in the cupboard. "Booze… Booze… more booze… PAINKILLERS!"

Reno smiled over his prize. His headache was the size of the North Crater… times three. He took it down (it was one of those dissolvable painkillers) and rummaged though the bag. But first… he had to be prepared… there was one thing he needed.

The pot.

"Ok, cleaning the pot… easy." Reno walked over to his messy stove with a nervous chuckle. He saw the pot and put his hand on the lid. He had his other hand ready on his electro-mag rod.

He lifted the lid as a cute little blue fuzzy creature… twitched. He slammed the lid down. "OH SHIT!" The pot began to shake as Reno had his hand on the lid. He carried the now… heavy and growing more heavy pot across the kitchen and put it in the (thankfully cleaned) sink.

Reno placed his chest and bodyweight on the lid… one hand on the soap, the other, his electro-mag rod.

Suddenly, the pot stopped moving.

Reno looked down where the lid was on his chest and got up. He put the soap down next to him and turned on the water as hot as he can get it to. He grabbed the soap and the sponge, yellow rubber gloves Rude gave him for Christmas, and opened the lid.

The mold had grown as it expanded from the pot. It got to as high as over Reno's head… it had a mouth now… oozing blue icky stuff and cranked his head back… and roared in Reno's face, messing his hair up and pulling the glasses off his head.

Reno dropped the soap and sponge (which was spilling) behind him and grabbed his electro-mag rod.

He electrocuted the monster and it bit Reno's arm, swallowing his precious weapon… Reno shrieked and yanked his arm out. It was covered in blue ooze and…

"YOU ATE MAGGIE!" Reno yelled in anger. "YOU ATE MY PRECIOUS!" Reno yelled.

His gun… was left in Elena's car… his was unarmed.

Reno turned around as the mold monster…. He was screwed… big time!

The only weapon he had was a pistol under his pillow in his bed…

Reno turned around for a sprint and the mold monster grabbed a hold of Reno's ponytail and yanked it. With a little yelp from the redhead and slipping and the spilling soap; Reno slipped and flipped himself over, he landed on his back and was covered in 'BloodSet Bleach Alternative' soap.

The monster let out a high pitched laugh. It sounded like an evil jack-in-the-box. "Ah... ha ha ha!"

Reno cursed as he got up with his sore back. "Shut up!" He scrambled back up and sprinted into his room…

Reno ran into his room and jumped onto his messy (he never makes his bed… bad Reno!) bed and throws the pillow off.

There was no real gun… it was an itty bitty tiny water gun.

Reno frowned. "Ah fuck it all!" Reno then heard a growl; like off alien vs. predator with the little click, click, click noise. He didn't want to turn around, but he did as the mold monster was at his bedroom door, oozing blue ooze and fuzz on the floor. He screamed like a girl and ran straight for the other door on his left into the living room.

The mold took a quicker shortcut by just going into the living room with going in Reno's room. The mold slithered into the living room as Reno was hiding behind his couch.

Reno sat there… holding his breath with a paralyzed movement. _Maybe if I don't breathe and hold still, it will crawl back away and I can get to the phone._

Reno waited as he sat there. The mold entered the room and sniffed around, and then it was so up close next to Reno, breathing blue smoke next to him. Reno was trying so hard not to scream or run. The mold didn't turn its ugly head but, turned around and left the room. Reno finally breathed. He got up and almost slipped on something as he got up. He quietly picked it up and looked.

Thunder materia…

Reno smiled. _Hopefully this comes in handy cause I mastered this before losing it during me and Rude's movie pizza bash we had two years ago._ Reno slipped it into his pocket.

He got up and tiptoed to his phone. He grabbed a hold of it and dialed in Elena's number. He had to tell her to get over here with his gun and give him backup.

The phone rang. Reno said a small silent celebration.

"Hello?" Elena had answered the phone. Reno then heard a 'click, click, click' growl. He turned around and noticed it was the mold monster.

"Elena!" He yelled in terror.

"What?" Elena coughed, she sounded like she had no interest whatsoever.

"It's coming to—AHHH!" The mold had bitten his leg and started to drag him away. The phone was dropped into the ground as Reno yelled. "Elena!"

The mold had a hold of his pant leg, not his leg, the pants. Reno was clawing the floor leaving scratch marks as he yelled, hoping that Elena could hear it. "I NEED MY GUN RIGHT NOW! GET OVER HERE!"

The other line… hung up.

Reno looked around as he was dragged into the kitchen. He grabbed both sides of the door framed and pulled away. The mold monster tried to yank him in as Reno kicked it in the fuzzy face.

"BACK! BACK I SAY!" Reno yelled in anger and something clicked in his mind. He got himself free after the next kick and got out his thunder materia. He looked the monster and the monster stared at him back. He smirked.

"Go to hell." Reno let out a Bolt3. It shrieked the monster as it let out its evil laugh again and was now a puddle of blue fuzzy ooze. "And don't ever… bug me again!"

_20 minutes later…_

Reno finally got the water boiling on the finally in the freshly cleaned pot. He was sitting there in his… boxers? (Yeah… love me now fangirls?)

Reno also had the washing machine going. He only used water for washing things, except dishes. After the battle, Reno's uniform was covered in blue fuzz that wouldn't come out when he tried to rip it off. So he threw it in the wash. He actually mopped up the mold puddle and he had 'nothing' else to wear so he decided to cook in his boxers.

Reno sat at the table while the water was boiling and got out the bottle of polish. He had his blue oozed up electro-mag rod to clean now. After cleaning 'Maggie' up and pouring in the mac' and cheese. Reno went into his room with his mega huge stereo and got out a CD known as 'Reno's Mix' and popped it into the stereo and turned it on full blast.

He grabbed the big plastic spoon he was cooking with… and sang into it like a microphone as the music played.

"_Mali he… mali hoo… mali ha… mali ha ha"_

Reno was doing the Numa Numa dance in his kitchen singing. _"Numa numa ey. Numa Numa Numa ey. Kiportelchi lago saten dai…"_

This was worse then Tom Cruise dancing in socks, briefs, and a shirt in Risky Business. Reno danced and sang as he stirred the mac and cheese then as he was finishing it up.

There was a knock on the door…

Reno walked over to the door and opened it. It was Elena in jeans and a purple long sleeved shirt; she was finally cleaned up after her scenario with the barbeque. She just stared at him.

"RENO! GO PUT SOME PANTS ON! THERE IS A VIRGIN HERE AT YOUR DOOR!" Elena yelled covering her eyes. "God sakes man, what were you thinking!"

Reno looked down at himself, he was wearing the blue chocobo boxers his mom got him for his birthday, and then looked at the blonde covering her eyes. "Might as well get changed then." He smiled.

"You better or I swear I hurt you even worse then this morning!" Elena still had her eyes covered. Reno walked away, scratching his hair. "Come on in."

Elena walked in with her eyes covered and Reno went into his room and then poked his head out from behind his door. "You can look now. Oy…" He went looking on his messy floor for at least some pants.

Elena opened her eyes and looked. Reno was out of sight. She threw a sigh of relief as Reno got into some jeans, brown boots, and a black t-shirt that said this:

_You have the right to remain stupid... anything you say can and WILL be ignored…_

"So, the meat done?" He walked into the kitchen as Elena looked around his messy apartment.

"Yeah, did you do ok with the Mac and Cheese?" Elena asked turning her head a bit.

"With a little friend that came out of my pot… no, the cooking, kind of." Reno responded from the other room. "I'm sticking to Easy Mac at work."

Elena lifted an eyebrow. "You ready yet, we only have 20 minutes before the president comes."

Reno was standing outside his kitchen door with a pot of Mac and cheese. "Can we go… now... please… before I drop this heavy pot!"

Disclaimer after fic: I do not own theNuma Numa song

There is Chapter 4! Next Chapter is 'Chaos at Tseng's House'


	5. Chaos at Tseng's

Chapter 5 is here! Enjoy!

Chapter 5: Chaos in Tseng's House

Reno and Elena entered into the Wutain home where their leader lives. Elena opened the door and walked in with her stuff, followed by Reno. "We're here."

No one responded as a shower was heard being shut off and a bit of cursing. Reno was looking around the lovely home, and Elena looked around. "Sir?"

Out of the bathroom came out their leader, drenching wet and was ONLY in a towel. Elena and Reno stood there in shock.

"Sorry. You two came a little too early. Set that on the table and I'll be right there with you." Tseng rubbed some water out of his eye, holding his towel with the other hand and then walked into his room across from the bathroom. Reno started to walk into the kitchen. "Okie dokie boss man."

Elena just stood there. _That… was… wow... I'm going to have happy dreams tonight…_She smiled as she walked into the kitchen. Maybe this was a good day…

Reno put the pot into the table was Elena put her plate next to the pot. Reno just stood there, then looked at Elena. "You just saw that didn't you?"

"Yeah?" Elena looked at Reno.

"You enjoyed that shot of Tseng didn't you?" Reno smiled.

"RENO! YOU PERVERT!" Elena pounded him into the ground and beated him up again, and again and again.

Tseng walked in and noticed this. "Nice that you two were getting along two minutes ago." Tseng just out finished buttoning up his blue shirt halfway, exposing a bit of his chest. Elena heard as she looked up.

"What are you two fighting over?" Tseng asked as he leaned against the countertop, crossing his arms. Elena and Reno looked at each other then back at their leader who lifted an eyebrow and a smirk.

"Chocobo jockey teams." Reno said getting up as Elena got up. "She likes the Yerkees and I like the Red Birds. They're rival teams you know."

"Ah, 'I see said the blind man.'" Tseng stood up and expected the food. "You two did very well with the food. I'll be nice to say I'll let you do ¼'s of the paperwork when we get back tomorrow as a reward. Until Christmas…"

"YES!" Reno yelled for joy. "I CAN LIVE WITH THAT ALMIGHTY SAVIOR!" He hugged Tseng around the waist like a little child.

"I'll make you do it all if you don't get off me Reno!" Tseng yelled while trying to pry off the redhead. Reno let go suddenly and stood up.

"Sorry sir." Reno pouted. Elena was trying so hard not to giggle. Tseng shook his head as he opened the fridge.

"Might as well make the drinks now then." Tseng was putting bottles onto the counter top. Reno's eyes were growing large.

"We're having…" Elena looked at one bottle. "Chocobo Pucker?"

"Just watch Elena, just watch." Tseng looked at her with a smile and put the bottles onto his bar. "You two, sit there." He pointed to the stools.

Reno and Elena sat in the stools in front of the bar as Tseng went into the cabinets and got out shot glasses, martini glasses, shakers, everything to make a drink.

He put his tools of drinking down and he grabbed the Northern Comfort and started flipping and twirling the bottle around like a professional. Elena and Reno had their jaws open in shock.

Tseng twirled, caught, poured, shaked, everything! Reno was shocked that his boss had booze and knew how to use it as Elena was shocked that he can do this.

Tseng finally made nine drinks. He gave one to Reno, one to Elena and one to himself. "Try it."

Reno took a sip and smiled. "DAMN! That's good!" He chugged it down as Elena took a sip. "Wow sir, how did you--?"

Tseng put his hand up as he took a drink, "I watched_ Cocktails_, practiced, and I use to work as a bartender at the Midgar Pub before joining the Turks."

Elena sat there in shock, before she can respond, they all heard a familiar voice.

"Where do you want this sir?" Rude was standing there in a black, button up, long sleeve shirt, jeans and black, silver steel tipped, cowboy boots. He was holding a round platter with a silver lid on it. It was huge for the matter of fact.

"Rude my man!" Reno smiled and he leaned in his barstool. "Tseng can make drinks! Want one?"

"No thanks." Rude looked at Tseng.

"On the table Rude." Tseng pointed to the kitchen. Elena was still speechless. Her own boss, who she had a little secret crush on, walked out of the shower with only a towel on and can make drinks like that. This was scary but in a very, very good way to Elena.

Tseng looked at his watch. "They should be here any moment."

Rude walked back to the bar and sat in a stool. "Let me guess. You showed them your bartending skills?"

"Yep. Reno almost fell out of his chair when I did it." Tseng laughed. "And Elena, you were shocked like it was the end of the world!"

Everyone laughed until the doorbell rang. Tseng walked over to the door and opened it. "Ah, Mr. President, and Rufus, sir, welcome!" He greeted them both with a handshake and let them in, then closed the door.

"Well, Tseng, you do have a nice house." The President said, taking his coat off and hanging it up. Rufus (for once) finally took off his white trench coat showing a black long sleeved sweater.

"Yes indeed." Rufus looked around and looked at the other three Turks sitting at the bar. "Hello to all."

"Mr. President, I—" Tseng was interrupted by the presidents hand in his face.

"Please. My first name." The President said.

"Which is, sir?" Tseng had never known the President's first name.

"Bubbles." The President said. "I know, it's weird to have weird names in the family. I gave Rufus his name to give him some decency in this world when it came to women."

Tseng was in shock yet he tried so hard not to laugh. _Bubbles? Who in Ifrit's name would name their kid…? Bubbles?_

Rufus was laughing with Reno and Rude as Elena and Tseng talked to the president, I mean, Bubbles.

"Ok then, shall we eat or starve?" Tseng showed the way to the table. This was neatly made to now eat.

"Finally. I was just about to chew on Rufus's head if you didn't say 'let's eat'." Reno pointed to Rufus as they sat down.

"Yeah… if you can eat his hair with that much hair gel in it." Mr. Pre- I mean Bubbles laughed, making the whole table laugh. Elena and Tseng brought out the drinks and Reno and Elena's dishes. They all dived in as they talked and laughed.

Bubbles took head of the table, with Tseng at the other end. Reno and Rufus sat on the right side and Elena and Rude on the left.

Then the silence broke.

"Got any ketchup?" Rufus asked as he put two scoops of Mac' and cheese on his plate.

"Yes, Tseng, do you have any ketchup?" Bubbles asked. Everyone stared at the president and his son. They're asking for ketchup?

Tseng looked up. "Elena, in my fridge and on the top shelf is where the ketchup is, can you please go get it."

"Sure." Elena got up and went into the kitchen, leaving the men at the table.

"You like ketchup in your Mac and cheese?" Reno asked Rufus. "I'll try it too!"

"Ah Reno don't make me puke." Tseng covered his face. Everyone laughed at his expression.

Rude smirked. "Any other things that you like in food?"

"Jelly on grilled cheese sandwiches and peanut butter in egg sandwiches." Rufus smiled. "I won't eat it if there ain't jelly or peanut butter around."

Everyone put Bubbles stared at him.

"Jelly on grilled cheese?" Rude lifted an eyebrow.

"What? Everyone has something weird that they eat?" Rufus smiled.

"We gotta eat lunch sometime pal." Reno jumped in his seat. "I never knew you like eating peanut butter on egg sandwiches!"

"Reno!" Tseng yelled. "I said 'Don't make me puke!'"

"Aw, Tseng. It's ok." Buuble said as Elena returned to the table and handed the ketchup to Rufus. "Some other people love ketchup in their Mac and cheese."

Then the subject got changed.

For once, no killing, no talk of gil spending or AVALACHE, just about themselves and everything.

Reno did mention the horror story of the mold monster and Elena mentioned about the counter materia in her barbeque when she used her fire materia.

Rufus almost had his drink come out of his nose when Reno mentioned the part when he slipped on the soap and Bubbles almost choked on his food about the counter materia.

Everyone finished and Rufus looked around. "So, if Reno made Mac and cheese, Elena made the pork chops, and Tseng made the drinks. What did Rude make?"

"Very good question son." Bubbles asked. "Rude what did you make?"

"Rude, go get your plate." Tseng looked at Rude as he got up and went into the kitchen, took his platter and set it down on the table.

"I hope you all have room for _dessert_." Rude lifted the lid revealing a cake. With white frosting and _pink_ edging. Reno was shocked.

"IT'S PINK!" Reno yelled, holding his arms out to the cake. "YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD IN THE STORE OVER A CAKE WITH PINK ON IT?"

"Yes." Rude lifted an eyebrow. "I didn't have red so it had to be pink."

"BUT WHY?"

"It's chocolate cake Reno." Rude smiled.

"Oh… never mind then. Gimme some!" Reno slammed his fork and knife like he was king of the world begging for food.

Elena was trying not to giggle as everyone, laughed. Rude just smirked. "Yep, very funny people." He got out a knife and cut the cake.

"So, Rude." The President sat up as he took the first slice that was handed to him from Rude. "What's _your_ story about this cake?"

"Heh, you sure you want to know?" Rude smirked as he passed around the slices of cake.

"I'll bet Reno two hundred gil that Rude does something… unnatural." Rufus turned his head to Reno with a smile. "If not, I'll pay you two hundred gil."

"You're on, rich boy!" Reno pointed to him with a smile. "And the loser buys the booze!"

Final Fantasy Victory song plays I have made up my evil sin of not updating. I'm suffering writer's block for Rude chapter so it'll take a while.


	6. Sunglasses and Cake Batter

Chapter 7: Sunglasses and cake don't mix… or do they?

Rude entered his neatly cleaned apartment. He closed his door and set his bag on the table. His apartment was nice, but what made it nicer was the fish tank in the living room, next to the door going into Rude's room.

Rude reached into the bag and grabbed a giant tub of fish food. He walked over to the tank and examined the lonely little goldfish.

"Has Zippy been a good little fishy while daddy was at work trying to make Elena and Reno play nice?" Rude baby talked to the goldfish that swam in happiness. "That's a good boy, just one more week and I'll get you a little friend."

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why would a bald, never smiling, mysterious man that any woman would want to sleep with whose job is killing people and always wears sunglasses would baby a talk fish?

Who knows. Anywho….

Rude opened the container and put in a good measured pinch in the tank. Zippy swam and took a few flakes. "That's my good little fishie." Rude baby talked to the feeding fish. He put the food down and walked into his kitchen and got out two boxes of cake mix, eggs, and vegetable oil.

Rude then went into his cabinets and grabbed his electric beater, a big bowl, a big spoon and a measuring cup.

Now, before going on with the story, grabs the remote and hits the pause button A little bio on Rude. Rude knows this stuff on cakes because his mom owned a bakery while his father worked in Junon for his mafia godfather. Godfather music plays Hey! Shut that off! record rip sound Ahem. Rude earned his living in his young years working with his mom in the bakery before he joined the Turks shortly after graduation, his sister, Mimi, now takes his spot in the bakery. Ok, back to the story! hits the play button

Rude did what the instructions say. Preheat the oven, add the water, mix the eggs in… ya da ya da ya da. Rude then out the beater in and turned it on a gentle setting, he mixed until the phone rang. Rude picked up the phone as the beaters were still going.

"Hello?" Rude answered the phone, still mixing the batter.

"Rude? Hi its Elena." Elena was on the other line. "I have a question." She started to cough.

"Lemme guess… you had no matches or a lighter and you used your fire materia didn't you?" Rude mentioned as he mixed.

"Yes…" Elena paused, hearing what was going on. "What are you—"

"All barbeques are equipped with a tiny chunk of counter materia made in it… so if you use any materia… it counters it and sends it back at you." Rude said on the phone as a sound of _ding;_ occurred. "This is how the Shin-Ra makes money…"

Then the batter splattered into Rude's face, covering his sunglasses up in chocolate batter. He took them off with a 'pop' noise and the only part of his face that wasn't covered in batter was where his sunglasses were.

"What the hell!" Elena shouted then coughed. "Rude... what are you making?"

Rude, for the first time, shuddered. "Uh… bad reception… phone's gonna die! Secret surprise! Bye!" He hung up.

Rude walked over to the sink and cleaned off what was on his face and glasses, then turned around and noticed, his uniform had batter on it too.

Rude realized that since he was talking to Elena, his thumb hit the 'go really really fast' mode and made the batter fly.

Well, not much got spattered.

Rude finally put the batter in two pans and put both in the oven. He set the timer up and then went back to his fish Zippy, baby talked it some more and took a quick shower. Then he walked into his very clean room and put on a black button up shirt, jeans, and his silver steel toe cowboy boots. (Yes, I had to give Rude some style, work with me here). He then grabbed his cake battered up uniform and put it in the wash.

He walked into the kitchen and checked the cake. As soon he opened the oven door. The timer went off. What beautiful timing! The cake was done!

Rude put on his kitten embroidered baking mittens and took both pans out and set them to cool.

Rude then went into the cupboard and got out a decorating bag, a size 16 star tip, and then reached into the bag and grabbed 3 tubs of white frosting and red food coloring.

Rude did the same old thing. Frost the cake. It was easy like taking candy from a baby, which Rude did in fifth grade by a dare from Reno (smirks over the fact Reno had braces back then, and very wild hair and still had a thing for the ladies.).

After that, he got into a fight and never did it again.

Rude then got out a bowl, the food coloring, and one tub of white frosting. He mixed the contents and noticed.

It went pink…

Rude gave it a look like 'that's not right' and read the bottle.

"Said it's supposed to be red." Rude then squinted as (come on, it's hard to read fine print with sunglasses on) and read:

_If used in white frosting, frosting will turn pink… so live with it._

Rude rolled his eyes. He can already hear Reno laughing because Rude used pink. Ah well. Might as well use it.

Rude mixed and decorated the cake. Finally, it was done.

Rude smiled as he marveled his work. "I love you mom." He looked at a family portrait hanging on the wall; it was taken just before Rude left for Midgar for his first mission as a Turk. Reno joined in because… they've been friends since kindergarten; he was like a member of the family.

The picture had Rude's mom, with her brown short hair, his (back then) thirteen year old sister Mimi, his father with his... bald head on his soldier, Zippy in Rude's arms in a bowl, and Reno, being a jerk by giving Rude and his dad bunny ears.

Rude put the cake on a platter and put the big matching lid on it. Rude then picked the plate up, headed for the door, looked at Zippy and said.

"Be a good little fishy." Rude smiled as he baby talked. "Maybe your new pal will come tomorrow if you do."

Rude left and locked his apartment and went to his red Chocostang (what! Give the man a good car! He deserves it!) He put the plate on the passenger side, got in the car, and left for Tseng's house 


	7. Oh, Crap!

Hope you liked Rude's chapter, Now, they're all in for it... read on! ... p>

Chapter 8: Oh, crap…

Rufus looked at Reno with a smile. "Pay up and where's my beer?"

Reno squinted as he reached for his wallet and gave Rufus the 200 gil he betted on. "Lucky rich boy."

"Artificial redhead." Rufus smiled as Reno looked at him, he just dissed the hair. No one… not anyone… disses Reno's hair

"Gel head!" Reno yelled.

"Scrawny weakling!" Rufus got into Reno's face.

"Blonde jerk!" Reno yelled back in Rufus's face.

Everyone but Rufus and Reno rolled their eyes. Here they go again like last week when Rufus paid Reno for finding out the Palmer eats lard in his tea and Reno proved it.

"Electro shocked airhead." Rufus dissed the hair, again…

"Momma's boy!" Reno pointed at Rufus.

"Drunk virgin!" Rufus smiled. Reno ran out of name's to call Rufus and was speechless. "Ha! Got you!"

"How did you know?" Reno yelled.

"Well, I'm lucky with women, you aren't, and you're in love with alcohol." Rufus crossed his arms with a smile on his face.

"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DATING ONE OF THE NEW TURKS WHOSE JOB IS YOUR BODYGUARD DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE LUCKY WITH WOMEN PAL!" Reno yelled.

"Boys…" Tseng was rolling his temples with a headache coming from the name-calling. "Play nice."

The two were bickering as they ate cake then Elena did something that no one ever thought would ever happen…

She grabbed Rufus and Reno by their hair and stuck their faces in the cake. "WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP FOR TWO BLOODY MINUTES!"

Bubbles, Rude and Tseng stared at the blonde who sat back down and crossed her arms. "God why do I have to put up with idiotic men?"

Reno poked his head up, grabbed the spoon to the Mac' and cheese silently, squishing Rufus's face deeper into the cake with muffled screaming, and flung a spoonful of macaroni and cheese at Elena.

Her purple shirt was gooped in cheese as she gave Reno a death glare. Rufus poked his cake covered face up and looked at Elena and laughed. Everyone laughed but Elena.

"Love you too Elena… in a brotherly way…" Reno smiled as bits of cake fell of his face. Elena grabbed a pork chop covered in BBQ sauce and flung it at Reno, which shut his big mouth shut as he laughed.

"Take that you bastard!"

Rude then yelled. "FOOD FIGHT!"

Everyone grabbed something and flung it at each other. Tseng had a champagne bottle shaken up and got everyone with it as Bubbles got Tseng with the ketchup.

Rude smothered Mac' and cheese in Reno's hair as Elena smothered cake in Reno's hair too. Rufus grabbed the BBQ chops and threw them at his own father and Rude.

After half an hour, the table, the walls, and each other, were covered in champagne, BBQ sauce, Mac' and cheese, and cake.

"Well, looks like I gotta take another shower." Tseng laughed. Elena shook her hair as champagne dripped right off. "Yeah me too. My hair now smells like champagne."

Reno looked at Rufus hair and laughed. It was a mess. "I think we all need showers. And hair gel for Rufus here."

"Shut up Reno or you're buying the gel." Rufus smiled. "My girlfriend is going to kill me."

"Bodyguard." Reno corrected.

"Girlfriend!" Rufus yelled.

"Bodyguard!"

"Girlfriend!"

"She's both!" Rude yelled. "End of story!" Then cracked up in laughter with Bubbles who listened into the conversation.

"I never had so much fun Tseng, we should do it again next year." Bubbles laughed. "Last time I had a food fight, it was when Rufus was in diapers."

Tseng laughed. "We'll take it over with Heigg'. Anyways, we can use my shower and I have robes for everyone."

"Huh?" Elena was confused. "Can't we go home and do it?"

Bubble and Tseng looked at each other and laughed. "We're having a sleepover as our clothes are being washed." Tseng laughed.

Reno and Rude looked at Tseng. "You're mad." Reno said as Rufus walked up.

"Aren't we—" Rufus was interrupted as Bubbles raised his hand.

"That's why Tseng and I asked for what shampoo we use." Bubbles laughed. "Don't worry, we have hair gel for you and Reno."

"Never knew it was the same brand." Tseng laughed.

Reno and Rufus looked at each other. They use the same brand of hair gel?

"What brand?" Rufus asked Reno.

"Sexy Slicker Hair Gel." Reno replied.

"Damn!" Rufus cursed. It was true.

Tseng grabbed a towel as everyone laughed in the kitchen. "Well, I'm off—"

"Oh no sir!" Elena smiled.

"What?" Tseng replied.

"Ladies first…" Elena smiled as she snatched the towel and walked into the bathroom. "And if I find a peeping tom, you won't like me because I have a gun with me always."

All the men stared as Elena closed the door to the bathroom 


	8. Bed Time for the ShinRa

Ok... 2 updates... phew... the next two are short... enjoys!

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Chapter 9: Bedtime for the ShinRa

Rude was last for taking showers. He walked into the living room as everyone else was in robes and was watching a chocobo race.

"Anyone else?" Rude asked. Everyone looked at Rude and shook their heads or said no and went back to the race on TV, Rude shrugged and sat down next to Bubbles.

Reno and Rufus were back on betting. But Reno seemed to be winning. "COME ON JERRY!"

"GO! GO! GO TONY!" Rufus yelled. This is very weird to see a man like Rufus who usually yells at everyone in anger when they screwed up and acted so cold would be laughing and smiling when it came to chocobos.

"No wonder why your mother got you that chocobo doll when you were little. What was his name…?" Bubbles sat there and thought.

"Dad…" Rufus frowned and acted like a teenager with his dad embarrassing him in public.

"Twinky! That's it! Twinky!" Bubbles remembered. "You never let go of that chocobo doll. Don't you—"

Rufus had already smacked his forehead and then turned and yelled. "DON'T SAY IT!"

"-- sleep with it?" Bubbles said. "I see it sitting on your bed in your room. And you have a girlfriend who might be sleeping with you soon."

"DAD!" Rufus yelled. Everyone laughed. "She is sleeping with me and she doesn't mind Twinky sleeping with us!"

"Oh! Confessions…" Reno laughed. Rufus frowned then smiled.

"At least I don't dance around my apartment in my boxers singing 'Numa Numa'."

Reno shut right up as everyone laughed. How'd he know he did that? "How did you-!"

Elena held her hand up. "Guilty as charged."

"When!" Reno yelled and pointed to Elena as he stood up.

"When you were in the shower..." Bubbles said. "… and I heard about the accident with Hojo's experiment running loose in my office and who did it!"

Reno went speechless. The only person who knew was…

Rude…

Rude laughed. "You got served Reno."

Reno growled as he jumped on Rude and wrestled on the floor. Rude grabbed Reno and threw him into Rufus.

"And you took half a bottle of the hair gel!" Rufus and Reno were then wrestling on the floor with Rude involved.

"Ack! Help! Anyone?" Reno cried out as Elena, Tseng and Bubbles laughed.

Tseng was laughing. "And I never knew these things."

"Well Tseng, where's the sack?" Bubbles got up and asked. "That food fight almost killed me there."

Tseng got up and got to the door. "This way sir." All the men got up as Elena remained seated. They all followed Tseng to their rooms. Tseng then came back and noticed Elena. "Not sleepy?"

"Yeah." Elena said has she held a cup of hot chocolate. Tseng sat down on the couch next to Elena and drink from his cup of hot chocolate.

"That was fun. It was better then last year." Elena smiled. Tseng shook his head.

"True, never knew Scarlet was allergic to teriyaki sauce." Tseng frowned. "I made a damn good chicken and then find out after eating she was allergic."

"And that Heigg' was a vegetarian. Everyone had something meat but Rude and his chili." Elena looked up.

"Don't mention the chili incident ever again." Tseng asked. "Not one word…"

"Yes sir." Elena gulped on her hot chocolate.

"Well, might as well clean the mess up." Tseng got up with his now, empty cup and headed for the kitchen.

AN: Before continuing… hits the pause button this might turn out to be a littleTseng X Elena, if you don't like that please skip the next part… just warning before being flamed. hits the play button

"Wait sir. I started that mess, I should clean it." Elena offered as she got up and bolted after Tseng.

"Well. You don't have to, but… you can help if you like." Tseng rubbed the back of his head as he put the cup in the dishwasher.

After half an hour, the dining area was cleaned up and the dishes were in the dishwasher. Tseng and Elena plopped themselves back on the couch.

"You know something…" Tseng looked at Elena. "That was very good pork chops. What did you…?"

Elena held her hand up. "My little secret."

Tseng smiled. "Why were you so happy this morning anyway?"

"I'm an aunt." Elena smiled. "My sister just had a boy yesterday."

Tseng smiled. "Glad to hear that." He looked at the TV as a romance movie was playing. Tseng and Elena watched it as Tseng started to reach his arm over Elena's shoulders. Elena then 'cuddled' up next to Tseng as they watched.

All of a sudden, and so fast, Elena was scooped up laughing as Tseng carried her to his room with a smile on his face.

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Ok, theres the sleepover. now for the next chapter "A Rude Awakening"


	9. A Rude Wake Up Call

Hello! I'm back from Xmas. I was going to put up a Xmas fic with Kadaj Loz and Yazoo, but never got the time. So, as my late Xmas present... 2 CHAPTERS!

Warning: Beware of Content

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Chapter 10: A Rude Wake Up Call

In one side of the room was a bed, with red fuzz and bugged out emerald eyes glowing in the dark. Reno was sleeping until he heard…

A woman's giggle and a man's snicker…

Rude was on the other side of the room as a very shiny bald head was exposed from the sheets. His sunglasses were on the table next to the bed.

Reno flipped in his bed with a groan and put a pillow over his head. He can still hear it.

Reno flipped over again as he looked to the ceiling as he moved the pillow back under his head.

Then he couldn't take it anymore.

"That's it." Reno whispered as he got up and tip toed to the door. As soon as his back was to his partner, and has his hand on the doorknob…

"Can't sleep either, huh pal?" Rude's dark voice whispered making Reno jump. Rude had his sunglasses back on. (sorry those who wanted to know his eye color.)

"Shiva man, don't scare me like that!" Reno hissed. Reno then opened the door and tiptoed a bit down the hall, followed by Rude until...

"Nice to see you up." The vice president whispered. Reno let out a little shriek and jumped right into Rude's arms as Rude sudden held onto Reno. Rufus let out a silent laugh.

Rude then looked to see he was carrying a horrified redhead and dropped him with a _thud_.

"Couldn't sleep either, sir."

"Yeah, dad's snoring and whoever is having fun." Rufus scratched his messy hair. "God please say my girlfriend doesn't hafta hear that from me."

"Lips are sealed." Reno got up and made the 'zipper' motion with his lips.

"Good." Rufus whispered. "Follow me."

A blonde, a redhead, and a bald guy in sunglasses, tiptoed down the hall to the door to Tseng's room. Where the giggling and noises got louder.

Everyone leaned their ear to the door. Rufus was on top (he bonked Reno for taking top spot), then Rude, and Reno lined up with ears to the door.

"Ok, they're giggling." Reno whispered. "Rufus, since you know women, what are they doing?"

"Doesn't sound like they're doing it." Rufus looked around as his ear was against the door.

"Playing cards maybe, Tseng has a little mini-living room in his room." Rude looked down at Reno.

"Nope. Too happy." Reno said. "Elena would be bitchin' if she had a crappy hand in cards."

"Don't say it." Rude said.

"Not poker…" Rufus quietly slapped his forehead. "That's a good game... unless..."

"It involves clothes…" Rude muttered. Just what he needed, his boss and the rookie… doing it… and playing strip poker…

"They're doing it all right. Our little rookie is all grown up…" Reno sniffled. Rude smacked him on the back of the head.

"Reno!" Rude hissed. "Now isn't the time to cry over Elena growing up… She's already like what…"

"She's 24." Rufus said. "Told me when Tseng, Dad and I had her job interview."

"I thought she was 20!" Reno hissed.

"I wanted to say thirty." Rude said.

"Wait!" Rufus held up a finger ear still to the door

Finally… the laughing stopped. The men gave a sigh of relief, and tiptoed back into their rooms.

"So, Rufus. How much you wanna bet?" Reno smiled.

"Your paycheck versus mine." Rufus whispered. Reno nodded and they shook hands and went to bed.

* * *

There you have it, Chapter 10. There will be only 2 more chapters before this fic is done. Warning you now.

Next is Chapter 11: Good Morning Sunshine!


	10. Good Morning Sunshines!

sighs in relief very sorry for not updated! I've been busy busy busy with life. Thankfully, this fic will be finsihed within one more chapter. For now. Here is Chapter 11: Good morning Sunshine!

Disclaimer: You'll notice when we get there

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Chapter 11: Good Morning Sunshine! 

Rufus rolled in his bed, looked at the clock as it read 9:30.

Thank Bahamut it's Saturday, everyone had the weekend off... except security of course... Rufus buried half his face into the pillow and pulled the blanket over some part of his head.

After a few minutes, Rufus turned over and fell off the bed with a thud, but didn't move. The blanket also went with Rufus and he was still sleeping like a baby.

His girlfriend would be laughing right now, seeing him sleeping on the floor after falling off the bed.

Bubbles walked in the door with his fresh cleaned suit on. He walked in, noticed his son was on the floor. "Wake up son, its 9:45!"

Rufus poked his head with his very messy blonde hair and looked. Did he have to get out of bed now? Rufus let out a moan and got up, threw the blanket back on the bed and walked out of the room, scratching his messy hair and yawning.

Reno was still in bed. All you can see was a huge piece red fuzz sticking out from the covers.

Reno only had one hour of sleep… he wanted sleep all day today.

Rude walked in and looked to see his partner was sleeping like a baby. Rude shook his head, stood next to the bed, and said. "You're missing Spongebob Squarepants."

In a red and white blur, Reno shot out of bed and turned on the TV. Spongebob was on. Yes people, Reno loves Saturday morning cartoons…

Bubbles looked in to see that this was what one of his Turks watch for TV. This was sad, yet funny at the same time.

Rufus finally came out from the bathroom brushing his teeth and back into his black sweater and white dress pants. Rufus watched as Reno was watching Spongebob Squarepants.

Rufus shook his head, rolled his eyes and went back to the bathroom to finishing brushing his teeth.

10 minutes later…

"GOOD MORNING SUNSHINES!" Elena's voice rang out has she entered the cleaned dining area with two plates full with pancakes. Reno lifted an eyebrow noticing that she was acting like yesterday morning… again…

Rude looked up from his coffee and notice a plate with four piled pancakes was placed in front of him by Elena.

Yet Tseng was hiding behind the wall of _The Midgar Times_ newspaper.

"Damn, prices for mako have increased by five gil…" Tseng paused. "Eh, don't care; I work for free mako anyways."

"Isn't nice working for the ShinRa Tseng?" Bubbles smirked.

"Bodyguard protection, 50 gil an hour. Taking out anyone who messes with my boss, 25,000 gil. Getting Reno drunk at the same time, priceless, for everything else, there's Rufus." Tseng laughed as Bubbles laughed.

Rufus started in on the pancakes then noticed Elena was dancing around putting Bubbles and Reno's plates down in front. She was back in her clothes and was wearing an apron.

Last plate was Tseng's. Elena put his plate down in front, filling his coffee cup, and without watching, she kissed Tseng on the cheek as Tseng smiled.

Rufus noticed this. He leaned over to Rude. "Now I know what theymight of beendoing." He whispered. "Did you see that?"

"Yes sir." Rude whispered as he at piece of bacon. "I think they did 'play poker'." Rude made the bunny ear motion with his fingers as he whispered. "Let's not tell Reno, its best if he stays with his 'theory'."

Reno was too busy devouring his pancakes anyway. "Did you see Spongebob this morning?"

Everyone stared at him.

"He was so funny! So, Spongebob and Patrick went jelly fishing with Squidward after Squidward had an accident and was in a wheelchair and—"Reno was laughing as he banged his fist on the table with laughter, making the items on the table jump… even the pancakes were doing flips in the air.

"RENO! WHO CARES ABOUT A SPONGE, A STARFISH, AND A SQUID!" Tseng put the paper down. "IT'S WORSE THAN THE WUTAIAN, JUNON, AND THE NIBELIAN GUY JOKE YOU HAVE."

"The Junon guy shoots the Wutaian and says, 'In Junon, we don't like Wutains." Reno hit the punch line of the joke and burst out laughing.

Tseng, a little angry right now, just put the paper back up and muttered and cursed. "Damn redheads." He muttered under his breath.

"Reno…" Bubbles set his fork down. "Why are you watching Spongebob?"

"My nephew got me addicted when I babysat him for my sister."

Rufus put his hand over his forehead. Bubble just shook his head and Elena finally sat down and ate.

"It's worse when you see him in blue dancing chocobo boxers…"

Everyone but Reno laughed. "At least I don't act like I'm on crack like yesterday morning!"

"I was celebrating something!" Elena yelled. "I have a nephew now!"

Everyone but Tseng looked at Elena. They all went 'aww' and congratulated Elena.

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Disclaimer: SpongeBob isnt mine, so is all characters in the fic.

Well, there is chapter 11. Now for the Finale!

Chapter 12: Aftermath - One week later...


	11. Aftermath

Hello again, sorry I've been out, I've been moving, comp was crap (not anymore! yay!) and now, i present chapter 11-Aftermath.

I will also be fixing typos in this fic, i've gotten reviews about that and i do apologize, i type to fast... (ggrrrrr...)

And now the finale!

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Chapter 11: Aftermath – A week later

Rude knocks on Elena's office door. The door opened as Elena was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Oh, Rude, come in." Elena walked in and out the flowers on her desk.

"Where the flowers come from?" Rude placed files on Elena's desk.

"Tseng." Elena smiled. "It's my… birthday… yeah."

Rude lifted an eyebrow. Seeing Elena shuddering through words… this never happened in the office.

"I thought it was April, It's August." Rude adjusted his sunglasses. "Reno's birthday isn't 'til October and mine isn't until December if you're about to say that."

Elena bit her lip. "Ok, promise you won't tell."

"Lips are sealed."

"Tseng asked me out after you guys went to bed after dinner." Elena covered her face as she said it really fast.

Rude lifted his eyebrow again. "So that's why you were so happy Saturday."

"Yep. And we also… in Reno's vocabulary… 'did it'." Elena nervously smiled. "Mention one word to Reno and I'll neuter you on the spot!"

"Said 'lips are sealed', they're sealed." Rude said.

"Good." Elena smiled. "Tseng needs to see you and Reno before lunch for a mission. See you then."

"Bye." Rude left the room. Reno scrolled through the hall in his office chair.

"Well?" Reno smiled.

"You got Rufus's paycheck." Rude smiled.

"WOO HOO!" Reno jumped out of his chair and hugged Rude. "I LOVE YOU RUDE MY MAN!"

Rude was choking due to the hug. "Reno… can't breathe…"

"I'm gonna tell Rufus I get his paycheck!" Reno ran down the hall and grabbed a secretary and danced around then ran into the elevator. "Who da man? RENO DA MAN!"

"Rude, was that Reno?" Elena popped her head out the door. "What was that?"

"Reno got a raise." Rude smiled and walked into his office, dragging Reno's chair back as well.

"Elena, was that Reno I heard?" Tseng walked down from the hall.

"Yeah." Elena said.

"I'm gonna tell Rude to have Reno not put twelve sugars in his coffee." Tseng scratched his head and walked away.

"Rufus!" Reno ran down the hall. "RUFUS!"

"Reno, keep it down." Rufus walked out of his office, hearing Reno yell at the top of his lungs. "What do you want… artificial redhead."

"Well… rich boy, I get your paycheck, I won the bet." Reno smiled and held his hand out. "And today's payday, you're the first for paychecks, Get it? Got it? Good. Now Gimme or Maggie will say hi."

Fin.

* * *

Finally! It's done::FF victory music plays in boombox nearby. Turns and hits pause and chuckles nervously: Well, I'm sorry about thelong wait. Now, I've been working on a RufusxOC for months now (its all i could do with this hunk of junk that is a wonder now!) I'll have that up in a bit.

I like to thank everyone for your support and the reviews. (I'm going to miss them in my inbox with this fic) So, I'm going back to fix mistakes or typos (bad me! BAD!) and it's all yours to enjoy.

Thank you :bows and hits play, making the FF victory music play again:

-Laili the Turk


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